I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
