She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
