I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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