well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
