No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
