Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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