operation harelip BJ is a go
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
