Porn is love you can see.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
