im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i believe in u and ur pee
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
