i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
