How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
