Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
