I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize