Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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