I must be too annoying 4 u.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
