Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
