I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
