I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize