Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
