I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
