Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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