Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
