Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
