he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
