exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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