He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am naked and annoyed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
