I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
