theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize