She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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