oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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