Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
