They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
