Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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