Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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