jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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