dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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