Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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