Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
