actually, I'm a sock model
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
