He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
