Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
