sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
