You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
