Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The best revenge is premature balding
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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