so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
