I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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