my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
