just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
