Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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