She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
