i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
did you just send me my own nude
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
