You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We left the knife in your bed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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