this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
