Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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