my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
