is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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