my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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