So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Drake has all the answers
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
