Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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