We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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