Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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