Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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