sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
