This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
