i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
