; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
