I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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