I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
