Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
