My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
