I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
