party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
