Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
