you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
