My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
